doctors' appreciation day...

ytd nite went devils' bar wif huifang... shiok to club again... haha... duno y recently like to clubb so much... but very tired to wake up this morning coz slept at 2.30am last nite... din buy lunch for my colleagues coz woke up late mah... hehe... so i offered to make a order of macdonald meals for lunch... hehe...
yah, today also doctors' appreciation day so got performance by our NSC's doctors... every year we have this day at the end of the yr coz it likes our doctors appreciated our hardworks & teamworks wif them so a big thankful to us... as usual the senior consultants had their singing session whereas the associate consultants, registers & medical officers had different performances.. their shows are much nicer coz they always came up with funny shows... haha... this yr ok lah, though last yr show was much nicer & more funny... then after tat we had a buffet dinner at our NSC lobby... nicer food this yr!!! had a few rounds of servings until i'm so full!!! =)
i hope next yr is a better yr for me! everything go smoothly for my family, love, career, health & wealth!!! bless me!!! =D

fcuk... cheated...

i really need to see a psychiatrist... really in total depression right now... doll up myself & went out alone juz now, knowing that my friends won't be meeting me anyway... acting like an idiot myself, puffing away the whole night, torturing myself... i duno y i'm doing this... i really hate myself... doing certains things without thinking & in the end, got cheated... y people always made use of my kindness & cheat me? i admit i am too soft-hearted but all those bad people wants me as their target? being kindness to them really made a fool out of myself... i am not firm enough to defend all these from happening... fcuk... cheat me all u want!!! u guys won't get a good ending!!! felt cheated...
i am really a dumb & useless gal... tout of self-inflicting came to my mind again... should i....?

depressed...

I think I'm having depression soon. my mind is occupied with a lot of stuffs. trying to concentrate more on my work so tat I dun imagine so much but dun think it helps much. have to fake a smile in front of my friends & colleagues... felt distressed & restless right now. it had been quite sometimes since I had this feelings... too troubled with relationship, friends & works. really wan to lock myself away from the world outside. I'm afraid tat I might self-inflict myself again if I am too depressed. plz control urself, Agnes...

cold war...

Duno y... ytd all of a sudden started to feel emptiness in my heart.. he din call up since Sunday when I last met him… it seems tat we are drifting far apart from each other recently... usually he will give me a call during the nights when he is in camp but duno y these few weeks is like I am a gal without a bf... I am back to single life again after 5 yrs relationship? God... my mind is in a confused state now... Sometimes when I call him, we also got nothing to tok abt... he was quiet over the other line & I am always the one who keep the conversation going on... unless he got his own topics from army or personal stuffs then he will chat with me... I got a few friends whose relationship is also 5-6 yrs long & in the end, they broke up becoz of small reasons... I still remember when we started dating, we are so lovely & a lot of our friends actually envied us tat time... but behind u guys’ backs, u dun actually know that we had quarreled until very badly over small misunderstandings... we even nearly broke up a few times & I am always the one who keeps our relationship on going... I duno how long we hang on to this… frankly speaking, I’m really very tired right now... sometimes I felt single life is better coz not much of restriction... i can do watever i want...

xmas coming!!!

today after work, went SIM to settle my school fees. Kaoz.. 4+K leh, so expensive.. still got 2 more semesters to finish my nursing course.. another 9k to go...
after settled my payment, went to J8 alone to shop. gotta help my colleague to buy her xmas gift, she said she not free to buy, asked me to buy for her.. but i walked the whole J8 until my back started to ache liao, only managed to get 3 gifts for her. left one is for a guy but duno her this male relative like wat leh... girls' gifts easier to buy. tout of buying tie but scared my colleague's relative dun wear.. called her home & hp, also no response.. haiz... think she gotta buy herself..
i also bought some clothes for myself from fox company. the clothes there so nice & cheap but one thing is the material is abit translucent... anyway juz buy dark colors loh.. lolz.. very tired after shopping & spent nearly $200 though part of it is my colleague's gifts... havn't collect money from her but it seem like i am the one buying the xmas gifts... haha

My feelings...

This is taken from my friend's web & i felt tat its really true...

Have u ever missed someone and felt terrible because u think tat he/she doesn't miss u?

Missing someone is a terrible but at the same time, sweet feeling. U will be sitting around wondering if u meant anything to him/her. Thinking if he/she ever cares about u.

Rushing to the phone once it rings hoping that it's him/her.

Looking out of the window hoping that he/she will surprise u by appearing downstairs.

Sitting in front of the television but thinking of him/she missing the final episode of your favourite show.

Laying on your bed, thinking of the last time u both went out together.

Thinking of how nice it will be to sit under the stars again, talking about everything, your dreams, plans, future.

Logging on to the internet hoping to see him/her online. When u realise that he/she isn't online and did not return your page, u will start worrying if he/she is okay.

Missing someone is a way of growing up i guess. It exposes u to loneliness. It teaches u how to cope with being lonely and let u know that there is actually a feeling known as emptiness.

Sometimes it feels good to miss someone. U know that u really care and u indulge in the feeling of loving/caring for him/her.

But missing someone and not knowing if he/she is feeling the same is terrible. U feel as if u are being left alone.

So if u miss someone, tell him/her and let them know. At the same time, ask if they miss u. Don't let the feeling of missing someone become jealousy or paranoid.

If u are the one being missed and u know it, let the other party know. If u miss him/her too, tell them Don't let them wait...

tat idiot pt came bk...

after my whole week leave, today finally went bk to work, very slacked in working. haha... anyway i still managed to get my engine go on. haha...

tat idiot patient whom we all hated & ever complained abt me once, came bk... the doctor sent him to me to trim his nails! kaoz... have to face to him again, tout i won't be attending to him anymore after tat fcuking incident. he juz walked into my treatment room & said "Dr asked me to come in here to trim my nails." ok, fine but at least be polite, k? he always barged into my treatment room so rudely, hate him. before i trimed his fingernails, he took off his socks & shoes. i was thinking tat is he expecting me to cut his toes nails too? wtf?! i'm not his maid leh! anyway throughout the whole process, i was quiet. din really tok much to him.. juz do watever the doctor asked me to do.. gave his a kind of look but he also take it like nothing. fine, wat an idiot guy. when finished with his fingernails, he saw me his toenails. great, i tout i really going to trim for him, but he said he do it himself. glad tat he took the initiative to do tat. but he was too much when cutting his nails! he juz threw his unwanted nails & skin onto my floor! fcuk! i dun wan to say him coz i dun wan to start a quarrel wif him. after tat he left. i heard tat he made a fuss at the billing counter, saying tat y was there such a big amt of outstanding bills! well, it was always him who walked off the clinic without paying! tats y got such an outstanding balance of bills! he will be coming bk next wk again for blood tests & the following wk for a review... wat a freak! he likes NSC so much ar? so shitty, duno wats wrong wif him... i think we need to refer him to a psychiatrist...

...

on my way bk home, i saw something which made me think of him again... saw a couple in front of me, acting so imtimate & some words being written at the back of the seat... "i still love you, i won't give up".. at the moment, my mp3 started to play our song "jian dan ai"... y everything so concidence.. i msg him but till now no reply.. dun wan to call him coz he said he will be very busy tis 2 wks.. feeling depressed now...

cold war duno when stop...

finished my BCLS practical this morning at NSC & next week going bk to work. my leave FINALLY ended. very sianz leh, haha... always like tat after my leave.

it had been 4 days since our quarrel on tues. no call from him yet. i did call up to him but he din answer my call. then there was 1 nite he online. can't remember which nite. i msn him, asking him whether got anything say to me anot & he said nope... was kinda diappointed coz i had already made the 1st move & he treated everything like nothing happened... dun feel like calling him now but want to hear his voice badly... very depressed now... in another small corner of my heart, i'm thinking of someone else too.. a friend of mine. haiz... feel very tired now, going to slp later.. duno how long can tahan this cold war... come on!! give me a break!!!

taka's gatherings last nite...

ytd met up my taka friends for xmas gathering.. though its too earli for xmas celebration but everybody was busy when near xmas so had to hold earlier... we met 1st for dinner at marche, only 7 of us meet up 1st; kasper, xavier, irene, candice, yiting, weiting & me. its been ages since i last met candice & yiting, think its 3 yrs ago.. so nice to see them again! getting more & more chio. haha..

after dinner, we walked ard orchard as its too earli to go thumperland.. we went back to taka sq to recall our working days at taka.. so memorable, really miss the days working. everythings was still the same, no changes at all, except for those full time staffs whom i knew last time. some stayed & some left...

after tat, alan, changda & another guy friend joined us & we headed to thumperland. it was quite quiet at 1st, think mayb still earli bah.. pretty soon, we started to party ard.. we started off by playing "ten, fifteen". Can tell u that i pretty bad at this, my response is damn slow. haha... played with yiting, weiting & candice. the 4 of us. Then played with alan, 2 of us. he very cheeky loh, always tricked me. in the end, i drank alot. muz buck up my skills liao. lolz.. then when i passed my xmas gifts to jason & alan, something dropped outin between. its kas's condom, he dropped it in my paper bag which i din even notice it! great.. wat an embarrassed sight. haha... everybody got the wrong idea, i was so paiseh..

soon most of us going bk home coz some of them got classes & work next day.. it was still earli actuali, nevertheless we really had great time. i was also tipsy tat time, luckily jason sent me bk.. in his car, i puked. sorry, jason..
actuali i drank so much last nite, its becoz of him also. i cried after i reached home.. duno when our cold war will stop...

finally we quarrel again...

we finally started our war again... quarrel through sms, he doesn't wan to ans my call to tok... i duno... i felt very pressurised by him... we started quarrel when he said i dun wan to meet him for the night... he compared himself to my friends... he admitted that he is being possessive but i dun like that feelings... i have my rights to do watever i wan, as long as i'm clear to my heart... really very upset by all these arguements... when can we stop all these minor things?

duno y...

duno y... i suddenly missed the way he hugged me... miss that feelings, felt so warm & nice... the 2 of us in the dark...

feel restricted by him...

felt restricted by him... my guy friend msg me & he saw it... he was unhappy abt it coz he dun like it... sometimes he will go through my hp contacts & asked me whose no. was tat when he saw new guys' telly in my hp... felt tat he is not giving me any freedom to make new friends... no privacy at all.. he said until like i would give my no. to whoever guy i came across... come on, i'm not tat "sui bian" wif anyone esp strangers... unless i can really click well with tat specific guy & i have a few nice guys whom i met at my workplace. they are either my colleagues or my patients but tat doesn't mean anything too! i have my own freedom to make my circle of friends...he doesn't seem to trust me at all & i have a talk with him juz now.. he was quiet with his eyes closed, not wanting to response my words.. i hope he could change his mind set... making friends is part of our life...

want to go dbl o again!!!

last night at dbl O was fun! though waited for 3 hrs before the fun start.. went in at 9+, so kiasu... haha... met estella there too, so happenings!!! but the dj duno how to play one... one moment retro, one moment, R & B, another moment duno wat... haha... reached home nearly 5 in the morning, hoping to go again next time!!! =p

think i'm going to fail liao..

oh god... i think i'm going to repeat my module... the papers is so damn hard leh... i dun wish for ABC or D, juz a P plz... pass, pass, pass... haiz...

exam tml!!!

having exam tomorrow!! after tat on leave for 1 week!! yeah!! but now still struggling to read through everytink!! so chim to understand & remember... so shitty... pray for me, k? =p

...

He msg something to me this morning... he asked whether I have a liking for someone else... I was like??? Y does he ask me this? I only have a few very close guys friends & I do admit that I like to hang with guys more than with gals but tat doesn’t mean I fall for them? Even if I really did, well I guess the reason would be him... I duno wat would other pple think of me but I understand him better more than u guys did... he got a lot of bad habits & attitudes which he suppose to change better...recently he also become more & more demanding.. at times i really can't stand him... I keep giving him chances to amend & it seems its still remain the same.. 5 yrs of relationship... If I like someone else, y would I bring up to my mom abt our ROM ? I even had a cold war with her again becoz of this... duno y, it looks like both of us are drifting apart recently... he is already a working adult & I dun wan pple keep saying I’m taking care of a younger brother... there is once someone ask me, "dun u feel like ur taking care of ur younger "brother"? I paused for awhile, not knowing how to ans...

are we really meant for each other?

duno y... it seem we r drifting apart recently... is it me or him? being together for nearly 5 yrs... & we r still having misunderstandings... when can we be as loving as last time? i'm sick & tired of all the small conflicts & arguements btn us...

idiot patient..

very tired to work today... slp at 3+ last nite coz reached his house ard 2+... i had to drag myself to work.. feeling like taking MC... coz very tired, not enough slp & partly also bcoz of that fcuking pt is coming back for review today...
but luckily he din turned up today! YES! coz the Dr said no point coming for review as his blood results still high so no medications to be given to him. I told this fcuking pt already & see?! Dr asked him to ome back 2 wks times for another round of tests & luckily i'm on leave! YES! but soon as later hav to face... idiot guy... when he tok to me, he tok like nothing had happened before.. such a freak!!!

he is back!!!

yeah! he is back today later!!! now waiting at airport for him to come out... got still 15 min to go before i could see him! hehe... 3 wks no see him, kinda miz him... =p
blogging while waiting for him!! so excited now!!! hehe...

...

duno i have this kind of feelings... i admitted i am stupid at times, do certain things without thinking abt it.. in the end the consequences i had to face it myself... i had a feelings that everyone thinks i handle things in an inproper way... well, i guess i had to admit, i really am... sometimes i wish i would had juz vanished into thin air, disappear from this world, where nobody will bother abt me... i felt useless at times... doing so many things & nobody appreciate it sometimes.. this feelings have been on going for so long...

fcuking pts again...

ytd juz came back from my bintan retreat, was very tiring. today still have to work.. if i know this fcuking incident would happen today, i would juz take mc & avoid all this fcuking shit...
faced a damn fcuking nasty pt today. shouted at me, claimed that i dun allow him to see Dr!! I actuali wan him to come back another day so that with his bld test results, the Dr will get a brief idea wat kind of medication to be given to him! he claimed that i was not showing any care & concern to him & dun allow him to see the Dr! wat a damn fcuking idiot guy!!! then called sis wong over for help but he also shouted at sis wong, asking her to get out of the clinic!!! sis wong kindly asked him how can she help, but instead of appreciate it, he reprimanded sis wong!!! in the end, sis wong called the corp comm staff & security guard to settle it...he even wanted to bring up to the press, requested us to ask the reporters to come!!! he is a bloody bastard, with no manners at all. to think that he WAS an ex-policeman. he dun even respect us in the 1st place, so do we have to respect him? keep telling us abt the service we should have in treating pts nice.. but COME ON... u dun treat us nice, y do we have to give in to u? we are also human beings & we got patience, ok?
he is coming bk again this thurs, i juz wish i dun have to face him again... & i wish that he dun come bk to my clinc ANYMORE! I hate him!!!!

my mom is too conservative...

i brought it up to my mom... she said no, not now... we are juz too young & early to settle down now.. obviously she is trying to avoid the topic or even wan me "dun even think abt it..." my heart sank, not becoz she dun agreed ot it... its becoz she is too conservative... she juz dun like my bf to be younger than me coz she always thinks younger husband is incapable to take care of the family! come on... its me who is spending the rest of life with him, not u, mom! i make my decision & i will be responsible to it too! if he changes his mind, dun wan me or even we find each other uncompatible, fine! i will juz find another man! tats it! what is the world coming now? everyone has their freedom to love & hate. can't she juz be more open minded? i know she is worried for my future happiness but i have the right to choose my future husband. i know marriage is not a kid's game & i know once u agree, u will be in commitment for the rest of ur life! i definately know tat! if i really make the wrong decision, well... i will juz have to admit it.
mom... plz change ur thinking, ok? i dun wish to start a cold war with u. becoz of u, we nearly broke up a few times & i'm sick & tired of all these conflicts....

ROM?

he called me today and i was surprised wat he said to me... he said we go ROM next yr & i went blank in my mind... duno how to react.. not that i dun wan to marry him, its juz that too sudden to bring up this topic! he said we shall go ROM next year, feb & that is only 3 months away from now! duno leh, very confused & uncertain. i did said that he will be my last guy from now.. but the problem is we still facing alot of relationship problems!
his parents are ok, my dad & aunt are ok but the main problem lies with my mom if we really want to ge together... my mom dun like me to e together with a younger guy, she is juz too conservative... he asked me to ask my mom but i duno how to start...

very stressed and moody...

was actually very tired today coz slept at 2am last nite. rushing off my assignment because i wanted to hand in this thurs so that i dun hav to purposely come back again to submit the aassignment. date due is actually 25th but i kinda kiasu lah...
then he called up during my lecture. at 1st it was ok when i tok to him but until the 2nd call he made, i felt like he purposely made me angry.. he always like to tok back to me which really annoyed me.. then the call hung up coz no money liao.. after hanging up, i duno y i felt tightness around my chest. its like a feeling that ur been pressurized by something big & its making me suffocated. i'm not feeling breathless but duno y suddenly so stressed up..
everytime when i got pressurized by something, i also had this kind of feelings.. i think its becoz of him.. i was upset by his behaviors over the phone & at the same time, i got alot of stuffs to do recently... think i'm suffering from nervous tension.. i was enduring on my way back home but while in the bus on my way home, there was this gal, sitting beside me, kept looking at my direction.. looking up & down like i'm an alien. tat made me even more worse, more tightness! idiot woman, felt like scolding her.."fcuker, seen enough anot?!"
then at my void deck, while waiting the lift, there were actually alot of pple & when the lift came, everyone rushed in. then tis stupid uncle wanted to force in his bicycle & himself!! i was like.. "fcuk! uncle, take the next life lah! its not the LAST lift anyway!!!" i din got in and waited for the next lift coz tat blockhead uncle was in front of me!
now 1.50am already, coming 2am.. was tired & slpy but insisted rushing off my assignment.. tml still have wound clinic & evening clinic.. damn shitty...
sometimes the thought of him came to my mind & i actually wished that he shouldn't call me at all.. since its expensive to call & everytimes when we tok, like want to fight like tat... i rather he dun call me at all, at least i can focus on my works & studies 1st! i'm not saying tat i hate it when he calls me, its juz tat u can call once awhile to let me know that ur safe & all rite the other side, my mind will be at ease.. but not juz call as u like! & when i din ans ur call, u then blame me for wasting ur money coz the call is being diverted to voicemail.. i really wan a break, wan to vent watever that is bottomed up in my heart. felt very tight & suffocated...

irritating guy is back!!!

actually morning wanted to attend subordinate court again coz tout of attending the coroner's court. missed the hearing the other day. but very tired to wake up so din attend.
noon went to bf's house, need to get something from his mother & i miss timmy very much. but today not his day coz he kana beat by CgM's mom coz he poo in his brother's room.. felt so pitiful for him, can see tears coming out of his eyes. but need to be punished or else how he learned from the mistakes he made?
after lunch with his mom & brother, i went to the library to borrow some books on spore laws & courts. need to rush my court report assignment.
oh yah, daoyi is bk today from taiwan.. gotta meet him up for update of his life at taiwan! he will be going bk again on 23rd which is the day CgM is coming bk from aust! think they are fated not to meet each other until next yr! haha anyway i also miss his irritating voice or else gotta wait till next yr liao... haha...

he must be missing me, i guess... =p

he called me twice tis evening but i unable to answer his call coz i'm having lecture. think he must be missing me very much over there coz he called almost everyday & ytd he gave me kisses on the phone which he seldom does tat whenever we r toking on the phone. it was always me who does tat.. *blush* but too bad i can't call him coz he said his camp there no reception of network. too bad... he mentioned tat he is having trainings these few days so won't be calling. its ok, i juz wanna pray for his safety during his trainings over there...

assignment time again!!!

school starts again!!! got another assignment to do!!! dun even understand wat the lecturer toking, so chim... all abt laws stuffs, like going to be a future lawyer like tat.. lolz.. & need to go court to listen the trial leh?! shit.. hopefully i dun fall aslp during the whole trial.. bless me..

"hongbao" the whole day...

went out with kelward today, shopping together. he was looking for a sweater but in the end bought a levi's jeans at take sq. haha... ok lah, the event held in taka sq, was all branded sale, quite cheap also, i also bought a tee. =p
then we went sakae sushi for dinner. the whole day being "suan" by him loh, keep calling me "red hong bao" coz i wearing a red jacket mah.. =_=" so bad of him, he said i very nice to bully also loh! mr kelward, if ur reading this, u will get it from me next time when we meet! =p

4 days liao he is away...

today went raffles city convention hall to attend scientific conference. compulsory for NSC staffs to attend so we only listened 2 talks then went off. the talk held by our NSC was so pathetic. the hall which we attended was so small while other halls were 5-6 times bigger than us loh or even more, i think.. when my friends & me came in, we had to stand at the back to listen! wau liao, 1st time stand to listen conference leh! somemore a lady sitting behind us ask us to stand aside so tat she can see the slides of the talk! wau liao. wat i mean is if she really wan to listen then move her damn chair in front lah! she was sitting at the only chair which was placed at the back of the hall. fuck! we are standing & she is sitting! stupid woman...
after tat, 5 of us, esther, charlene, phonnia, baxter & me went window-shopping at marine sq. baxter so poor thing coz we girls went in all shops that were more for girls stuffs. haha.. then had a drink at starbuck for ard 3 hrs. gossiping abt people again, as usual.. haha =)

after work...

2 days since he left for australia. he called me this morning, telling me he is fine over there. juz tat at nite is very cold over there & he still can tell me, he slp without any clothes on?! cannot stand him, wait fall sick, how? haiz...
after work, went out with my part timer, jason. so long nvr see him liao, miz him so much. (Ru flattered, jason? lolz! =p) we went window-shoppin then dinner 2gether at ajisen. After that we walked from PS to far east to take bus. haha... nice evening to pass the time. =)

plz changes his attitudes, i'm willing to do anything...

he finally left for australia for his NS training.. dun have the same feelings which i had last time when he left for taiwan during earlier march... though still feel abit upset but 3 wks very fast pass... actually had a quarrel with him before he left.. duno wat happened also, he juz bang the door & slammed the telephone down for no reason. i asked him & he juz said nothing... sometimes i really dun understand him, it seems like we are drifting further as times go by... his mood is always unpredictable... i almost break down everytime he treats me like this... i always hope that he will change better, treats me nicer, dun always anyhow vent his anger on me. felt so accused... i'm still waiting for changes in his attitudes even though i waited for 4yrs already....

he is leaving this wed...

tml holidays no need to work, so happy but this week very weird working days. coz holidays fall on tues & thurs. so stupid to work alternate days... he will be leaving from australia from army tis wed, away for 3 wks... 3 wks very fast pass by but 2 mths seem very slow to me leh... i will be leaving for toronto next yr april from attachment 2 mths. though still quite far from to date, the think of it made me worried... well, anyway still got long way to go... dun wan to worry abt so much... juz wan to bless for his safety during his trainings at the moments...

coaxing ur girl so hard meh?

everytimes i watch those romance movies or series shows, i always hope that the romance events happen to me. who doesn't want ur own bf to be so loving, gentle & caring toward u? so envied the actress in the show... sometimes i even daydream abt it. haha, crazy me...
today went to suntec to eat becoz aunt's bday on tue so celebrate earli. my bf also came along.. recently started to put on make up, in the past i hate to do tat coz dun like powder on my face. but now duno y like to look pretty when goin out. hehe...
he pretend to puke & avoid looking at me when i ask him i look nice anot. so sad.. i put on make up becoz of "u" leh. as least say something to coax me mah..
again he did something that irritated me. also dun give in to me, in the end we had a small arguement. we didn't show our quarrel in front of my parents, juz tat we walked quietly side by side even after my dad dropped him at the mrt...he nvr call me but i call juz to check he reach home already.juz hoping tat he will change his attitudes towards me, nicer & more gentle instead of scolding & treating me too bad for no reasons. i will wait till he changes. i will...

to him, i'm always so "fan"...

duno how long can tahan him... very tired & hurt each time when arguement with him... today he said me ' fan' again.. always come out with him, is like having a buzzing bee ard him... thats wat he said everytime when i nag at him... my way of nagging him is like normal talking to him but the way he ans me bk is like i should shut up... very hurt when he said that...
we were having breakfast at mac.. he said his friend gave him wrong info to book in so he ask me to have breakfast with him... i havn't woke up when he called me... so went down cck met him...
then he said me "fan" coz i nagged at him for wasting the sugar he poured out... throughout the breakfast we juz eat, not talking to each other... he kept using his food & newspaper to block his view on me... he dun wan to look at me... fine, i juz carried on eating... then he went army while i went SIM to submit my assignment... dun really wan to tok to him at times... coz he sometimes really made my blood boil... he is always right while im always wrong... keep asking myself when is he going to change? i waited so long... there was once i tout he changed but it seem its still the same...

Friends of his are so....

Having headache since ytd. Duno y... Always like tat during the 2 wks whenever having lessons... Maybe too tired & stress bah... & not enough slp... Sianz.... Din attend tutorial coz headache mah... so went bk after the lecture....

Then he msg me... He told me his friends treat him badly... He actually wants to change the day for his guard duty this sun but all his army friends dun wan to change wif him... even those without anything on tat day also dun wan to change wif him... i really dun understand wats wrong with this batch of army guys he is wif...

during his sec, poly & BMT life, he always got his friends jio him out, help him whether in need. its like... everyone like to hang out with him.. but until when he is in SOA, his usual behavior starts to change... he din tell me watever problem tat is bottom in his heart until his SOA friends hold a function night, he got himself so drunk tat night & then he starts to throw out all his troubles tat night when we reached home... i was so upset for him.... in my heart i keep scolding his friends... they are damn fuk up, like hypocrite... treat him nice when need him, then treat him like a ball when not in need of him...

though i duno wat happen in the camp, but even if those guys dun like him, then they also shouldn't treat him like this also... moreover they are in the same camp! army guys supposed to help each other in their camp coz they are living together, eating together, bathing together, training together.... wats damn wrong wif all these fuking friends he has in army... really, really wish he got transferred out of tat unit soon, to an another place where he got better friends to hang out with...

haiz... i believe he must be missing daoyi alot rite now coz daoyi is his only true buddy he ever made... i also dun mind if he spend more time with daoyi than with me... i dun wan to see him like this... but daoyi only comes back from taiwan next year.... tat night was my very 1st time seeing him so upset & so fuk up with his ns life.. really upset me alot, seeing him like tis....
i'm now really hoping that his life in army gets better soon. plz dun let him carry on with this kind of life... i understand how he feels coz i was once like this before....

getting faults when it is not my wrong at all !!!!

why juz can't some people be more flexible with their works? dragging here, there... sometimes i really hate to trace results from other health insitutions... either they sent me the wrong one or need approval from the doctors... then while waiting, my doctors keeping chasing us for it... but wat can i do when the other side of the staffs need to go through certain protocol before sending?
really hate this particular staff whom i tok over the line... he is a dman fucking idiot! over the phone, he lectured me abt all the steps i had done to trace patients' results... i had been doing this way since last year & nobody correct me all along. so wat wrong have i done? few times i had been chasing them the CORRECT documents & they keep sending the wrong one!!! becoz of this, i had been ringing them & always it's this guy who i had to go through 1st... damn fuck... everytimes he surely nagged at me from the beginning i asked for the documents till the end of the conversation, sill nagging at me... he keeps saying tat i duno this, duno tat... hey, he is juz a MRO staff, while i am a staff nurse he is speaking to... if he wan to lecture me, say it in a nice tone & attitude, all right? all along he had been toking to me like no respect!! fuck.. i know he is senior over the other side but my concern here is patients' results! if no results,. how the doctors see the patients? becoz of this, we get complaints too....

ok, i admit its my fault tat i requested on tat very day but their side need the patients' signature before they can fax over the result. but i can only get the patients to sign the day they come for review mah! wat u expect? its not me who wan the results, its the DOCTORS, ok?? y do i need the result for? it doesn't belong mine too.

i know its confidential but its our doctors in NSC who refer the patients to their side for investigation. by right, those results belong to us. they should also either reply the referral letter or send the results back to us once its done!!! i really hate dealing with all these... got scolding from patients & doctors though its not even my fault...

i finally break down into tears while tracing one of the results today...........

very, very upset and moody...

actually dun feel like working today coz got headache.. din slp well last nite... but bo pian, have to go coz few colleagues not around, have to replace them for the time being...

lunch din eat much, coz not feeling well... while having my lunch, my Sis came in with the email regarding that bitch i mentioned in the last few entries... she is back with her complaint letter to my nursing manager... this round she add in an another thing. she accused me of chit-chatting to my colleagues while taking her blood!!! whoa lau!!! she is damn fcuked up!!! how would i chat around when taking blood!!! come on!!! use ur common sense leh!!! blood taking leh, not drawing leh... haiz... i really had no words to say... up to them to believe who.. no point explaining all these stupid nonsenses... i felt so upset & moody after this... but juz pretending nothing happens in front of my colleagues... duno they can sense it coz tat was not usual me whenever i worked... i took 2 hrs time off coz felt tired & moody... wanted to go bk home earli to rest...

back home, i slept for 2 hrs, then CgM called, asking for his brother's oversea contact no. i was holding on to his hp, tats y he called up... but i really can't find any of his brother's contact no. & i got scolding from him again... he hung up the phone straight after tat... my heart sank... until now he nvr call me or msn me even i purposely online now... i dun wan to bother him coz scared he will say i very irritating ....

Fcuking bitch again...

Very upset, no mood to work today… my mind was full of things the whole day… can’t concentrate on my work today… the lady who I mentioned last entry, came back today… she went back to see the same doctor previously. She was brought to a room where our corp comm members came down to talk to her after the consultation… I duno how long they had been talking inside… All I know she juz wan to blow up this matter coz she dun trust the nurses doing the treatments for her. Ever since the case on Dr Joyce Lim, I heard a lot of complaints on our nurses at our centre. I look into her casenotes, saying that she is having 1cm BIG on the site where the blood taking is done. Come on!! We even have patients’ bruise even BIGGER than her loh!! Y is she so fcuk up? It is only a small matter. There is also a remark in her notes, saying that next visit if there is any blood tests to be done, will be done by the doctors. Ok!! Let her be!! I dun even want to handle this fcuking idiot lady ever again. Thinking tat she is so elegant but actually her personality is like shit!!! Wonder how her friends tahan her… I heard from my Sis tat she is going to write in to our medical director regarding this problem. Fine!! Go ahead! All I know I am innocent & I did nothing wrong!

Sometimes I felt we nurses are treated like nobody. Pardon me for saying tat…. Most patients dun appreciate wat we had done for them. Every time in front of doctors, they will smile & laugh together & when they come to us nurses, they will behave differently. Treating us like dirt & they expect us to treat them like VIP… Fcuk off! I do wat is needed in my job scope. I dun go around selling my service which is so fake!!! My care & concern comes my heart I dun think there is a need to act it out… Really upset & sick of all these…Haiz… Maybe my luck for this mth is not so gd, tats y so many things happens… I can only say… Unlucky me… Hope tat my luck turns better this round… Really need a rest…

Fcuking unreasonable patients...

Dun understand... Y some people are so fcuk up? Esp. the patients i attended in my clinic... This mth is an unlucky mth for me. I faced 2 complaints which i DUN think its my fault at all!!!

1st case (done on 11-04-05) was a SAF guy doing liquid N2 treatment for his wart on his sole. Its me who did it for him. It was actually a minor problem & the person who blew the matter so big, is his idiot father!!! He called a few days later after the treatment & claimed tat we caused great pain to his son, leading his son to lose his $700 hp at mrt station. I was like... WAU KAO... Our business meh? He is the one who lost it, not us!!! Then the father passed nasty comments like "are nurses fit to perform the treatments?" Damn it!!! I mean every of my patients are doing the same treatments, even young kids around 2-3 yrs old did it the same things too! Y i din receive every patients complaining abt all these? The father also said we are NOT treating his son well becoz he is an indian!!! Wat a fcuking remark he gave! His son is 21 liao, somemore he is from NS & yet can't endure the small pain? Damn fcuk up loh! The father also demanded our doctor to give his more days MC so tat he can rest at home.. Come on, man!!! If his son wants MC, ask himself to request. NOT us to settle for him! Twice treatments he done & twice his father called up to complain. I think most probably the son wants to avoid going back to his camp for training. Wat an idiot fcuking guy...

2nd case (today) was a lady who complained about haematoma on her arm after blood taking. Haematoma is caused by a break in the wall of a blood vessel, then the blood goes into the surrounding skin beneath, causing it to be blue black like a bruise. This usually happen to pple who either have superficial veins, fair skin or prone to have haematoma easily after pricking. After the bld taking, i told her there might be a little bruising on her arm so ask her to apply ice cube on it if there is any. This was done in the morning. Then afternoon, around 5pm, this crazy lady again called up to my Sis to complain, asking why is there such a big bruise in her arm. & she said she wants to sue us for causing such a big damage to her. I was... wtf?! I already told her that will happen & y is she still making a big fuss? She then demand something to make the brusie disappear coz she is going for some function which will look ugly on her. I heard she is coming back tml & she also wants free carpark when she parks her car in NSC when she comes tml!!! Wat a unreasonable & crazy woman!!!

I really dun understand wat's wrong with all these fcuking idiot pple. I really hate serving my service to all these nasty patients. A fake smile to put on our faces & the attitudes towards them, like i am the one who own them something! These pple duno how to appreciate things which is done for them. They dun deserve my sympathy if they have any serious illnesses. They deserve all these retributions & serve them right!!! Its not tat i wicked or wat... But these kind of feedback from them really upset me. I did my best to treat patients well coz i know they need our help to get well too. But y they dun appreciate wat we had done for them? I am sick & tired of all these...

Quarrel with him...

had a quarrel wif him... I din start anything, its him... I confront him, asking y he always tok so rudely to his mom... He ignored me & then said, "shut up." I stood still, look at him as he slowly walked away from my sight. Down inside in my heart, i was really deeply hurt... I walked away from him too...
Back to his house, i confront him again.. This round, i sat down & tok to him face to face... Out of control, my tears came flowing out of my eyes... He sat there, looking at me... I can sense he was feeling gulity but he remained speechless throughout.. After tat I left, he din even said anything....I was totally upset... Upset becoz his attitudes is getting bad to worse.. I had enough of him but i reali dun wan to let go of this relationship coz we had been together for so long & tml is our 4th year being together.. My friends said tat we are a loving couple.. Plz loh.... Its only the outer appearance ur looking at! How many quarrels, how many arguements we are having, u all duno!!! He did once bring up to me, saying tat next year we go ROM but i'm now having second thought... I'm very confused & sad now but I'm still waiting for him to turn better coz i still love him.... Wanted to be alone for the time being....