doctors' appreciation day...

ytd nite went devils' bar wif huifang... shiok to club again... haha... duno y recently like to clubb so much... but very tired to wake up this morning coz slept at 2.30am last nite... din buy lunch for my colleagues coz woke up late mah... hehe... so i offered to make a order of macdonald meals for lunch... hehe...
yah, today also doctors' appreciation day so got performance by our NSC's doctors... every year we have this day at the end of the yr coz it likes our doctors appreciated our hardworks & teamworks wif them so a big thankful to us... as usual the senior consultants had their singing session whereas the associate consultants, registers & medical officers had different performances.. their shows are much nicer coz they always came up with funny shows... haha... this yr ok lah, though last yr show was much nicer & more funny... then after tat we had a buffet dinner at our NSC lobby... nicer food this yr!!! had a few rounds of servings until i'm so full!!! =)
i hope next yr is a better yr for me! everything go smoothly for my family, love, career, health & wealth!!! bless me!!! =D

fcuk... cheated...

i really need to see a psychiatrist... really in total depression right now... doll up myself & went out alone juz now, knowing that my friends won't be meeting me anyway... acting like an idiot myself, puffing away the whole night, torturing myself... i duno y i'm doing this... i really hate myself... doing certains things without thinking & in the end, got cheated... y people always made use of my kindness & cheat me? i admit i am too soft-hearted but all those bad people wants me as their target? being kindness to them really made a fool out of myself... i am not firm enough to defend all these from happening... fcuk... cheat me all u want!!! u guys won't get a good ending!!! felt cheated...
i am really a dumb & useless gal... tout of self-inflicting came to my mind again... should i....?

depressed...

I think I'm having depression soon. my mind is occupied with a lot of stuffs. trying to concentrate more on my work so tat I dun imagine so much but dun think it helps much. have to fake a smile in front of my friends & colleagues... felt distressed & restless right now. it had been quite sometimes since I had this feelings... too troubled with relationship, friends & works. really wan to lock myself away from the world outside. I'm afraid tat I might self-inflict myself again if I am too depressed. plz control urself, Agnes...

cold war...

Duno y... ytd all of a sudden started to feel emptiness in my heart.. he din call up since Sunday when I last met him… it seems tat we are drifting far apart from each other recently... usually he will give me a call during the nights when he is in camp but duno y these few weeks is like I am a gal without a bf... I am back to single life again after 5 yrs relationship? God... my mind is in a confused state now... Sometimes when I call him, we also got nothing to tok abt... he was quiet over the other line & I am always the one who keep the conversation going on... unless he got his own topics from army or personal stuffs then he will chat with me... I got a few friends whose relationship is also 5-6 yrs long & in the end, they broke up becoz of small reasons... I still remember when we started dating, we are so lovely & a lot of our friends actually envied us tat time... but behind u guys’ backs, u dun actually know that we had quarreled until very badly over small misunderstandings... we even nearly broke up a few times & I am always the one who keeps our relationship on going... I duno how long we hang on to this… frankly speaking, I’m really very tired right now... sometimes I felt single life is better coz not much of restriction... i can do watever i want...

xmas coming!!!

today after work, went SIM to settle my school fees. Kaoz.. 4+K leh, so expensive.. still got 2 more semesters to finish my nursing course.. another 9k to go...
after settled my payment, went to J8 alone to shop. gotta help my colleague to buy her xmas gift, she said she not free to buy, asked me to buy for her.. but i walked the whole J8 until my back started to ache liao, only managed to get 3 gifts for her. left one is for a guy but duno her this male relative like wat leh... girls' gifts easier to buy. tout of buying tie but scared my colleague's relative dun wear.. called her home & hp, also no response.. haiz... think she gotta buy herself..
i also bought some clothes for myself from fox company. the clothes there so nice & cheap but one thing is the material is abit translucent... anyway juz buy dark colors loh.. lolz.. very tired after shopping & spent nearly $200 though part of it is my colleague's gifts... havn't collect money from her but it seem like i am the one buying the xmas gifts... haha

My feelings...

This is taken from my friend's web & i felt tat its really true...

Have u ever missed someone and felt terrible because u think tat he/she doesn't miss u?

Missing someone is a terrible but at the same time, sweet feeling. U will be sitting around wondering if u meant anything to him/her. Thinking if he/she ever cares about u.

Rushing to the phone once it rings hoping that it's him/her.

Looking out of the window hoping that he/she will surprise u by appearing downstairs.

Sitting in front of the television but thinking of him/she missing the final episode of your favourite show.

Laying on your bed, thinking of the last time u both went out together.

Thinking of how nice it will be to sit under the stars again, talking about everything, your dreams, plans, future.

Logging on to the internet hoping to see him/her online. When u realise that he/she isn't online and did not return your page, u will start worrying if he/she is okay.

Missing someone is a way of growing up i guess. It exposes u to loneliness. It teaches u how to cope with being lonely and let u know that there is actually a feeling known as emptiness.

Sometimes it feels good to miss someone. U know that u really care and u indulge in the feeling of loving/caring for him/her.

But missing someone and not knowing if he/she is feeling the same is terrible. U feel as if u are being left alone.

So if u miss someone, tell him/her and let them know. At the same time, ask if they miss u. Don't let the feeling of missing someone become jealousy or paranoid.

If u are the one being missed and u know it, let the other party know. If u miss him/her too, tell them Don't let them wait...

tat idiot pt came bk...

after my whole week leave, today finally went bk to work, very slacked in working. haha... anyway i still managed to get my engine go on. haha...

tat idiot patient whom we all hated & ever complained abt me once, came bk... the doctor sent him to me to trim his nails! kaoz... have to face to him again, tout i won't be attending to him anymore after tat fcuking incident. he juz walked into my treatment room & said "Dr asked me to come in here to trim my nails." ok, fine but at least be polite, k? he always barged into my treatment room so rudely, hate him. before i trimed his fingernails, he took off his socks & shoes. i was thinking tat is he expecting me to cut his toes nails too? wtf?! i'm not his maid leh! anyway throughout the whole process, i was quiet. din really tok much to him.. juz do watever the doctor asked me to do.. gave his a kind of look but he also take it like nothing. fine, wat an idiot guy. when finished with his fingernails, he saw me his toenails. great, i tout i really going to trim for him, but he said he do it himself. glad tat he took the initiative to do tat. but he was too much when cutting his nails! he juz threw his unwanted nails & skin onto my floor! fcuk! i dun wan to say him coz i dun wan to start a quarrel wif him. after tat he left. i heard tat he made a fuss at the billing counter, saying tat y was there such a big amt of outstanding bills! well, it was always him who walked off the clinic without paying! tats y got such an outstanding balance of bills! he will be coming bk next wk again for blood tests & the following wk for a review... wat a freak! he likes NSC so much ar? so shitty, duno wats wrong wif him... i think we need to refer him to a psychiatrist...

...

on my way bk home, i saw something which made me think of him again... saw a couple in front of me, acting so imtimate & some words being written at the back of the seat... "i still love you, i won't give up".. at the moment, my mp3 started to play our song "jian dan ai"... y everything so concidence.. i msg him but till now no reply.. dun wan to call him coz he said he will be very busy tis 2 wks.. feeling depressed now...

cold war duno when stop...

finished my BCLS practical this morning at NSC & next week going bk to work. my leave FINALLY ended. very sianz leh, haha... always like tat after my leave.

it had been 4 days since our quarrel on tues. no call from him yet. i did call up to him but he din answer my call. then there was 1 nite he online. can't remember which nite. i msn him, asking him whether got anything say to me anot & he said nope... was kinda diappointed coz i had already made the 1st move & he treated everything like nothing happened... dun feel like calling him now but want to hear his voice badly... very depressed now... in another small corner of my heart, i'm thinking of someone else too.. a friend of mine. haiz... feel very tired now, going to slp later.. duno how long can tahan this cold war... come on!! give me a break!!!

taka's gatherings last nite...

ytd met up my taka friends for xmas gathering.. though its too earli for xmas celebration but everybody was busy when near xmas so had to hold earlier... we met 1st for dinner at marche, only 7 of us meet up 1st; kasper, xavier, irene, candice, yiting, weiting & me. its been ages since i last met candice & yiting, think its 3 yrs ago.. so nice to see them again! getting more & more chio. haha..

after dinner, we walked ard orchard as its too earli to go thumperland.. we went back to taka sq to recall our working days at taka.. so memorable, really miss the days working. everythings was still the same, no changes at all, except for those full time staffs whom i knew last time. some stayed & some left...

after tat, alan, changda & another guy friend joined us & we headed to thumperland. it was quite quiet at 1st, think mayb still earli bah.. pretty soon, we started to party ard.. we started off by playing "ten, fifteen". Can tell u that i pretty bad at this, my response is damn slow. haha... played with yiting, weiting & candice. the 4 of us. Then played with alan, 2 of us. he very cheeky loh, always tricked me. in the end, i drank alot. muz buck up my skills liao. lolz.. then when i passed my xmas gifts to jason & alan, something dropped outin between. its kas's condom, he dropped it in my paper bag which i din even notice it! great.. wat an embarrassed sight. haha... everybody got the wrong idea, i was so paiseh..

soon most of us going bk home coz some of them got classes & work next day.. it was still earli actuali, nevertheless we really had great time. i was also tipsy tat time, luckily jason sent me bk.. in his car, i puked. sorry, jason..
actuali i drank so much last nite, its becoz of him also. i cried after i reached home.. duno when our cold war will stop...

finally we quarrel again...

we finally started our war again... quarrel through sms, he doesn't wan to ans my call to tok... i duno... i felt very pressurised by him... we started quarrel when he said i dun wan to meet him for the night... he compared himself to my friends... he admitted that he is being possessive but i dun like that feelings... i have my rights to do watever i wan, as long as i'm clear to my heart... really very upset by all these arguements... when can we stop all these minor things?

duno y...

duno y... i suddenly missed the way he hugged me... miss that feelings, felt so warm & nice... the 2 of us in the dark...

feel restricted by him...

felt restricted by him... my guy friend msg me & he saw it... he was unhappy abt it coz he dun like it... sometimes he will go through my hp contacts & asked me whose no. was tat when he saw new guys' telly in my hp... felt tat he is not giving me any freedom to make new friends... no privacy at all.. he said until like i would give my no. to whoever guy i came across... come on, i'm not tat "sui bian" wif anyone esp strangers... unless i can really click well with tat specific guy & i have a few nice guys whom i met at my workplace. they are either my colleagues or my patients but tat doesn't mean anything too! i have my own freedom to make my circle of friends...he doesn't seem to trust me at all & i have a talk with him juz now.. he was quiet with his eyes closed, not wanting to response my words.. i hope he could change his mind set... making friends is part of our life...

want to go dbl o again!!!

last night at dbl O was fun! though waited for 3 hrs before the fun start.. went in at 9+, so kiasu... haha... met estella there too, so happenings!!! but the dj duno how to play one... one moment retro, one moment, R & B, another moment duno wat... haha... reached home nearly 5 in the morning, hoping to go again next time!!! =p

think i'm going to fail liao..

oh god... i think i'm going to repeat my module... the papers is so damn hard leh... i dun wish for ABC or D, juz a P plz... pass, pass, pass... haiz...

exam tml!!!

having exam tomorrow!! after tat on leave for 1 week!! yeah!! but now still struggling to read through everytink!! so chim to understand & remember... so shitty... pray for me, k? =p