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He msg something to me this morning... he asked whether I have a liking for someone else... I was like??? Y does he ask me this? I only have a few very close guys friends & I do admit that I like to hang with guys more than with gals but tat doesn’t mean I fall for them? Even if I really did, well I guess the reason would be him... I duno wat would other pple think of me but I understand him better more than u guys did... he got a lot of bad habits & attitudes which he suppose to change better...recently he also become more & more demanding.. at times i really can't stand him... I keep giving him chances to amend & it seems its still remain the same.. 5 yrs of relationship... If I like someone else, y would I bring up to my mom abt our ROM ? I even had a cold war with her again becoz of this... duno y, it looks like both of us are drifting apart recently... he is already a working adult & I dun wan pple keep saying I’m taking care of a younger brother... there is once someone ask me, "dun u feel like ur taking care of ur younger "brother"? I paused for awhile, not knowing how to ans...

are we really meant for each other?

duno y... it seem we r drifting apart recently... is it me or him? being together for nearly 5 yrs... & we r still having misunderstandings... when can we be as loving as last time? i'm sick & tired of all the small conflicts & arguements btn us...

idiot patient..

very tired to work today... slp at 3+ last nite coz reached his house ard 2+... i had to drag myself to work.. feeling like taking MC... coz very tired, not enough slp & partly also bcoz of that fcuking pt is coming back for review today...
but luckily he din turned up today! YES! coz the Dr said no point coming for review as his blood results still high so no medications to be given to him. I told this fcuking pt already & see?! Dr asked him to ome back 2 wks times for another round of tests & luckily i'm on leave! YES! but soon as later hav to face... idiot guy... when he tok to me, he tok like nothing had happened before.. such a freak!!!

he is back!!!

yeah! he is back today later!!! now waiting at airport for him to come out... got still 15 min to go before i could see him! hehe... 3 wks no see him, kinda miz him... =p
blogging while waiting for him!! so excited now!!! hehe...

...

duno i have this kind of feelings... i admitted i am stupid at times, do certain things without thinking abt it.. in the end the consequences i had to face it myself... i had a feelings that everyone thinks i handle things in an inproper way... well, i guess i had to admit, i really am... sometimes i wish i would had juz vanished into thin air, disappear from this world, where nobody will bother abt me... i felt useless at times... doing so many things & nobody appreciate it sometimes.. this feelings have been on going for so long...

fcuking pts again...

ytd juz came back from my bintan retreat, was very tiring. today still have to work.. if i know this fcuking incident would happen today, i would juz take mc & avoid all this fcuking shit...
faced a damn fcuking nasty pt today. shouted at me, claimed that i dun allow him to see Dr!! I actuali wan him to come back another day so that with his bld test results, the Dr will get a brief idea wat kind of medication to be given to him! he claimed that i was not showing any care & concern to him & dun allow him to see the Dr! wat a damn fcuking idiot guy!!! then called sis wong over for help but he also shouted at sis wong, asking her to get out of the clinic!!! sis wong kindly asked him how can she help, but instead of appreciate it, he reprimanded sis wong!!! in the end, sis wong called the corp comm staff & security guard to settle it...he even wanted to bring up to the press, requested us to ask the reporters to come!!! he is a bloody bastard, with no manners at all. to think that he WAS an ex-policeman. he dun even respect us in the 1st place, so do we have to respect him? keep telling us abt the service we should have in treating pts nice.. but COME ON... u dun treat us nice, y do we have to give in to u? we are also human beings & we got patience, ok?
he is coming bk again this thurs, i juz wish i dun have to face him again... & i wish that he dun come bk to my clinc ANYMORE! I hate him!!!!

my mom is too conservative...

i brought it up to my mom... she said no, not now... we are juz too young & early to settle down now.. obviously she is trying to avoid the topic or even wan me "dun even think abt it..." my heart sank, not becoz she dun agreed ot it... its becoz she is too conservative... she juz dun like my bf to be younger than me coz she always thinks younger husband is incapable to take care of the family! come on... its me who is spending the rest of life with him, not u, mom! i make my decision & i will be responsible to it too! if he changes his mind, dun wan me or even we find each other uncompatible, fine! i will juz find another man! tats it! what is the world coming now? everyone has their freedom to love & hate. can't she juz be more open minded? i know she is worried for my future happiness but i have the right to choose my future husband. i know marriage is not a kid's game & i know once u agree, u will be in commitment for the rest of ur life! i definately know tat! if i really make the wrong decision, well... i will juz have to admit it.
mom... plz change ur thinking, ok? i dun wish to start a cold war with u. becoz of u, we nearly broke up a few times & i'm sick & tired of all these conflicts....

ROM?

he called me today and i was surprised wat he said to me... he said we go ROM next yr & i went blank in my mind... duno how to react.. not that i dun wan to marry him, its juz that too sudden to bring up this topic! he said we shall go ROM next year, feb & that is only 3 months away from now! duno leh, very confused & uncertain. i did said that he will be my last guy from now.. but the problem is we still facing alot of relationship problems!
his parents are ok, my dad & aunt are ok but the main problem lies with my mom if we really want to ge together... my mom dun like me to e together with a younger guy, she is juz too conservative... he asked me to ask my mom but i duno how to start...

very stressed and moody...

was actually very tired today coz slept at 2am last nite. rushing off my assignment because i wanted to hand in this thurs so that i dun hav to purposely come back again to submit the aassignment. date due is actually 25th but i kinda kiasu lah...
then he called up during my lecture. at 1st it was ok when i tok to him but until the 2nd call he made, i felt like he purposely made me angry.. he always like to tok back to me which really annoyed me.. then the call hung up coz no money liao.. after hanging up, i duno y i felt tightness around my chest. its like a feeling that ur been pressurized by something big & its making me suffocated. i'm not feeling breathless but duno y suddenly so stressed up..
everytime when i got pressurized by something, i also had this kind of feelings.. i think its becoz of him.. i was upset by his behaviors over the phone & at the same time, i got alot of stuffs to do recently... think i'm suffering from nervous tension.. i was enduring on my way back home but while in the bus on my way home, there was this gal, sitting beside me, kept looking at my direction.. looking up & down like i'm an alien. tat made me even more worse, more tightness! idiot woman, felt like scolding her.."fcuker, seen enough anot?!"
then at my void deck, while waiting the lift, there were actually alot of pple & when the lift came, everyone rushed in. then tis stupid uncle wanted to force in his bicycle & himself!! i was like.. "fcuk! uncle, take the next life lah! its not the LAST lift anyway!!!" i din got in and waited for the next lift coz tat blockhead uncle was in front of me!
now 1.50am already, coming 2am.. was tired & slpy but insisted rushing off my assignment.. tml still have wound clinic & evening clinic.. damn shitty...
sometimes the thought of him came to my mind & i actually wished that he shouldn't call me at all.. since its expensive to call & everytimes when we tok, like want to fight like tat... i rather he dun call me at all, at least i can focus on my works & studies 1st! i'm not saying tat i hate it when he calls me, its juz tat u can call once awhile to let me know that ur safe & all rite the other side, my mind will be at ease.. but not juz call as u like! & when i din ans ur call, u then blame me for wasting ur money coz the call is being diverted to voicemail.. i really wan a break, wan to vent watever that is bottomed up in my heart. felt very tight & suffocated...

irritating guy is back!!!

actually morning wanted to attend subordinate court again coz tout of attending the coroner's court. missed the hearing the other day. but very tired to wake up so din attend.
noon went to bf's house, need to get something from his mother & i miss timmy very much. but today not his day coz he kana beat by CgM's mom coz he poo in his brother's room.. felt so pitiful for him, can see tears coming out of his eyes. but need to be punished or else how he learned from the mistakes he made?
after lunch with his mom & brother, i went to the library to borrow some books on spore laws & courts. need to rush my court report assignment.
oh yah, daoyi is bk today from taiwan.. gotta meet him up for update of his life at taiwan! he will be going bk again on 23rd which is the day CgM is coming bk from aust! think they are fated not to meet each other until next yr! haha anyway i also miss his irritating voice or else gotta wait till next yr liao... haha...

he must be missing me, i guess... =p

he called me twice tis evening but i unable to answer his call coz i'm having lecture. think he must be missing me very much over there coz he called almost everyday & ytd he gave me kisses on the phone which he seldom does tat whenever we r toking on the phone. it was always me who does tat.. *blush* but too bad i can't call him coz he said his camp there no reception of network. too bad... he mentioned tat he is having trainings these few days so won't be calling. its ok, i juz wanna pray for his safety during his trainings over there...

assignment time again!!!

school starts again!!! got another assignment to do!!! dun even understand wat the lecturer toking, so chim... all abt laws stuffs, like going to be a future lawyer like tat.. lolz.. & need to go court to listen the trial leh?! shit.. hopefully i dun fall aslp during the whole trial.. bless me..

"hongbao" the whole day...

went out with kelward today, shopping together. he was looking for a sweater but in the end bought a levi's jeans at take sq. haha... ok lah, the event held in taka sq, was all branded sale, quite cheap also, i also bought a tee. =p
then we went sakae sushi for dinner. the whole day being "suan" by him loh, keep calling me "red hong bao" coz i wearing a red jacket mah.. =_=" so bad of him, he said i very nice to bully also loh! mr kelward, if ur reading this, u will get it from me next time when we meet! =p

4 days liao he is away...

today went raffles city convention hall to attend scientific conference. compulsory for NSC staffs to attend so we only listened 2 talks then went off. the talk held by our NSC was so pathetic. the hall which we attended was so small while other halls were 5-6 times bigger than us loh or even more, i think.. when my friends & me came in, we had to stand at the back to listen! wau liao, 1st time stand to listen conference leh! somemore a lady sitting behind us ask us to stand aside so tat she can see the slides of the talk! wau liao. wat i mean is if she really wan to listen then move her damn chair in front lah! she was sitting at the only chair which was placed at the back of the hall. fuck! we are standing & she is sitting! stupid woman...
after tat, 5 of us, esther, charlene, phonnia, baxter & me went window-shopping at marine sq. baxter so poor thing coz we girls went in all shops that were more for girls stuffs. haha.. then had a drink at starbuck for ard 3 hrs. gossiping abt people again, as usual.. haha =)

after work...

2 days since he left for australia. he called me this morning, telling me he is fine over there. juz tat at nite is very cold over there & he still can tell me, he slp without any clothes on?! cannot stand him, wait fall sick, how? haiz...
after work, went out with my part timer, jason. so long nvr see him liao, miz him so much. (Ru flattered, jason? lolz! =p) we went window-shoppin then dinner 2gether at ajisen. After that we walked from PS to far east to take bus. haha... nice evening to pass the time. =)

plz changes his attitudes, i'm willing to do anything...

he finally left for australia for his NS training.. dun have the same feelings which i had last time when he left for taiwan during earlier march... though still feel abit upset but 3 wks very fast pass... actually had a quarrel with him before he left.. duno wat happened also, he juz bang the door & slammed the telephone down for no reason. i asked him & he juz said nothing... sometimes i really dun understand him, it seems like we are drifting further as times go by... his mood is always unpredictable... i almost break down everytime he treats me like this... i always hope that he will change better, treats me nicer, dun always anyhow vent his anger on me. felt so accused... i'm still waiting for changes in his attitudes even though i waited for 4yrs already....