i'm feeling down again...

went out in the noon to meet maryann to revise our patho coz we having exam this cuming fri. we discussed until 5 then we left on our own. i had to meet up my NSC colleagues for dinner. everyone knocked off at 5pm, except for charlene coz she having evening clinic until 7pm. so we meet up 1st & had our dinner at sakae. charlene joined us later around 7.45pm. we had a long chat unil 9.30pm before we left for home.

back home, around midnite, i online to check my emails. then i saw daoyi online. so i msn him, telling him to take care of CgM when he goes over there next week. duno how, we chatted until i bcum very agitated. we were chatting regarding him. i was angry with him becoz he already booked his flight ticket to taiwan before letting me know. i actually requested to be on leave on the 9th & 10th Mar & following tat 2 days is sat & sun so 4 days to spend time with him but he told me he is leaving on the 10th! before he booked the ticket, i already told him i will be on leave tat 2 days & he still go ahead to book the flight! he doesn't wan me to go also & i duno y... then daoyi said i should give him some room. hey, come on, man! i am NOT restricting him!!! if he wan to go alone to anywhere & have fun, then tell me before hand! i will be ok wif it if i'm noted at the 1st place! so tat i dun have to purposely go & request for leave! i can juz return tat 2 days leave to my colleague!

after all the conversation wif daoyi, my mind totally swtiched off.. i off my computor & went back to study my notes. but nothing get into my mind & i felt suffocated. y? juz becoz daoyi said i should give him some space which indirectly said i'm being selfish to him?! when he told me he already booked his ticket, i didn't say he can't go?! & i didn't scold him at all. i was only abit disappointed in him. if he is not going, i won't purposely msn daoyi to take care of him when he is there! in my heart i was thinking i always put him in the 1st place but y he doesn't put me in the same way as i do. watever thing i do, i always think of him 1st before i think of myself. this round he only thinks of having fun by himself, without involving me. i am not being selfish, i juz wan him to share things with me & moreover he is my bf. i dun request tat much... i did so much for him but he doesn't seem to appreciate it & sometimes take it for granted. i can't study now coz my eyes are swollen. no mood to revise my studies. he doesn't know tat i'm kinda mad at him & i dun have to say all these to him coz no point. it will juz end up with another quarrel. coming 4am soon, can't slp & study, duno wat to do. no butts for me puff also. i think i'm having depression again...