felt upset again becoz of work... really took my hat off for certain people. i can't imagine how am i going to work with these gp of people when time goes by. i classified them as -
- Super Duper Thick Face
- Super Duper Anxious
- Stuck up Arrogant Attitude
- Hypocrite
for 2 mths, i had faced all the ugliness in this dept. i hate them so badly that i often got suffocated during work. no point bringing up the matters coz i believe good words will be put up for them. they are antiques of the dept. try to bear with it but sometimes i shed tears for no reasons. too stressed made me behave like this & i think my old friend, depression is coming back anytime. today nearly dropped tears in front of my pt behind tat big black goggles of mine. tried to hold back & excuse myself away for awhile. my mind is so confused & cramped with stuffs coz i keep thinking abt wat will happen next after i finish. for days, even in my sleep, i can dream abt the worst situation i will have. wtf?! y can't i have a peaceful mind? i actully wan to find someone to confide with but my heart hold me back. reason? coz i dun wan my tears to drop in front of u guys. felt so useless if i really weep. frankly speaking i dun mind working extra hard but i mind working with these gp of colleagues. at times i really missed my ex-taka colleagues before i joined nursing line. tat was the nicest bunch of friends i ever worked with. i even try to grab watever OTs i can but this is due to another reason, another personal problem i have. i really wan a break from all these. now getting headache, cried & cracked my brain too hard.
ps. i wrote this entry, doesn't mean i need attention or sympathy. i juz wan to vent my anger & sadness here. i will be fine after awhile. if not, my last way out is to go back to my usual bad habits - puff & drink. but at the moments, i'm trying to save up so i wont spend on these unnecessary stuffs. really thank u for ur listening ears.
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